Am I the Worst Contestant in the History of Naked & Afraid?
As some of you may know, I was recently on a television show called Naked & Afraid. It was an intense experience to say the least…
[if you’d rather watch a video than read these words (if you’re even interested in silly tv like this, I made a youtube video, which you can watch here. I tried to make the words here and on youtube cohesive and short but failed, kind of rambling (see mark twain quote below)]
If you were one of the people that watched the episode that I was on, you’ll know that it was a bit dramatic. I just wanted to share a little more about what actually happened during the experience, versus what the editors chose to show to the public. The experience took place in South Africa a few years ago, however I was not allowed to talk about the the fact I was on the show or about what happened, until it came out (which premiered almost a month ago now — October 22, 2023). This reality show is apparently one of the few reality shows that is extremely realistic, very little of what you see is fake or set up, which is pretty easy to realize when you see me crying for much of the time. I do cry a lot, but I’m not that good of an actor that I can just come up with tears on the spot… or most of the time that is.. haha.
The reality of the filming of my episode is that I was getting my period on the day that the show started. I know that many women, and even some men can probably understand what this means… on top of that, I am more sensitive than most people. Anyway, my physical body sensations were extremely heightened during the insertion day (day 1) of the episode. What was already a very tough physical experience was probably multiplied by two or three times for my body given the timing of the filming… as the show progressed and as my period came to an end, I felt so much stronger, and the physical difficulty of the experience was not nearly as hard or agonizing. The way that I was portrayed during the episode was a very dramatic, insinuating that I am not a very tough person, or at least compared to my partner. There is of course, some truth to this. I literally had my period and, no, I’m not a professional survivalist, and I am a little bit dramatic and sensitive as a human overall… (which apparently many artists are and I try to embrace through my work.)
The reality, or what you didn’t see on the 40 minute episode, was that I spent every day all day getting water for us, walking over thorns to the water source, filling up the pot, going back to the fire that we kept going for 10 days straight, rekindling the fire, sometimes in great conflict with my partner (as you may have seen in one scene on the show), heating up the water, laying in the shade while this was happening, and then letting the water cool down. There was some other drama and strong feelings that I have about the show itself and the person I was on there with, but I’m not going to speak to negatively about that here because I don’t think it’s appropriate, I will say that we both helped one another at different times. Some of the hardships that were completely unforeseen for me were as follows:
I thought that it would be extremely easy for me to get along with my partner or anybody for that matter because I’m typically a people person when I want to be. I genuinely find everybody very interesting and see the good in them, that being said, I had a very difficult time getting along with my partner and seeing the positive in him, despite the first day when he helped me through the hike.
One of the main things that was of extreme difficulty and very unforeseen, was the challenge of keeping the fire going around the clock, which meant, especially at night when the temperatures got close to freezing, we basically had to stay up to keep putting small sticks & logs on the fire in order to stay warm through the night, as a result, I did not really get any sleep, or barely had any sleep for 10 days. In addition to this or because of this, the waking hours became very difficult, and I started becoming pretty delirious, seeing some visions and shapes in the rocks around me.
Perhaps the most unforeseen difficulty was weight loss and weight gain. As a female in this society I’ve struggled with body image for most of my life. I lost 20 pounds In 10 days on this episode from basically eating nothing besides a half of a scorpion and a half of a fish. What I didn’t realize, due to the fact that I don’t water fast for that much time and also because I was flying across the world just days after the episode finished filming, my body went into starvation mode and I could not stop eating, so I gained back all of the weight and probably an extra 10 pounds in the following month or two or three. I constantly felt sick, but I could not control myself, my body thought it was starving and so I could not stop eating and it was really difficult and scary to experience this.
The one major positive take away, which definitely made the whole thing worth it, was that through this experience, I realized that my body and my mind are so much stronger than I think they are. WE are so much stronger than we think we are. I have some friends who watched the episode who said that they couldn’t do what I did, and I don’t think that’s true. I think that every human can do this. We were made to survive, we evolved to survive off the land. Another positive take away from this was the opportunity to be fully naked on the earth. Although it was extremely uncomfortable with freezing temperatures and thorns, I also am very aware of the positive impact of negative ions, and overall benefits from earthing or grounding… If you’re not familiar with this research, or with the scientific information I recommend watching the earthing movie, it will change your life. It changed my life a few years ago prior to going on the show, when I could not sleep in my Brooklyn apartment. My dear friend who I lived at the time, came into my bedroom with an EMF reader (electromagnetic frequency reader), and we realize that the amount of electronics and frequencies were extremely high, above what is healthy for a human to live in / with electronics surrounding us. That is when I dove into research around earthing technology and grounding. I have loved the process of learning about this, especially because it perfectly aligns with the narratives within my art. We are the earth. I love being barefoot, walking in the dirt, in the ocean, waters, and in all elements… It was truly incredible to experience this for 10 days straight, even if a bit uncomfortable at times.
I know this is a lot of words and not good grammar as I’m using voice dictation and barely editing this… As Mark Twain said, “I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.”
I just wanted to share this information. I have been getting a lot of texts from friends, acquaintances, strangers, old friends that I haven’t heard from in years, and I’ve also been getting many messages from people who I don’t know who tell me that I was the worst contestant on the show, I’m extremely weak and pathetic.. one person, saying that it would be better if I was just buried in the ground forever. I know that I shouldn’t worry about these comments or look at them, but it does make me think about the reality of television, perception, and how we interpret what we see on TV and on the Internet in general, so for these reasons, I just wanted to come on here, on and into the digital space and share a little bit about where I was at during the filming of the episode, and I also want to thank everybody that reached out and supported me during, before, and after this process… the producers and crew were amazing. I couldn’t have asked for kinder, more respectful people to be behind-the-scenes… there’s so much more to say but I’ve already gone on for a while so I’ll just leave it at that. I just want to remind everybody that what you see on TV or online is only one percent or less than one percent of reality, so be careful what you believe to be true.
here is a screenshot from one of the comments that popped up as i opened my social media one day… i try to ignore these and block them but sometimes they literally surface in your face :/ perhaps i was the worst contestant…
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